Something strike me a while ago while watching how children mimic their parents in the way they walk, talk and respond to different situations. In some documentaries like Child of Our Time, they also did specific studies on the importance of fathers in a child's life.
For many aspects of a child's childhood, the fathers may seem redundant as they cannot breast feed the child, they dun seems to understand the different cries of a child, they cannot change their nappies as well, cannot feed the kid without making a big mess, cannot get the sleeping times in their head, these physical needs seems to be done best by the mummies, so what are daddies for?
Rough play! this enhances their risk-taking nature, sense of adventure and fun. In adulthood, it gives them a baseline of confidence when they meet with difficult situations, this sense of risk-taking propels them forward. Daddies instil in their kids a sense of confidence that on one else can give. When a dad give his child a nod of approval, the child's lights up and beam, because he feels loved and accepted.
What about the impact of the fatherhood in our lives?
In the older days, when the fathers are not so well-read or perhaps more focus on bringing the dough back home instead of asking themselves how good a father they have been, these fathers did not realise the impact of their actions on us, their children.
My dad was never really involved in my life, I only speak to HIM one-to-one twice a year, that was when I come home with my report book. He will glance at it, trying to figure out what the numbers mean (hardly any 100% so its harder to figure out if 66% was good or average haha). As the youngest in the family, I have to admit that my results were nothing to be proud of, since my sister has ALWAYS aced her exams, there isnt really one that she was not either the top student or the 2nd in the entire cohort! How to beat?
My dad's comments were always, work harder on this and that which ever that looks the worst. Sometimes he will refer to the previous years to compare if I had any "improvements" and try to give me a "not bad lah your maths improve". That was all I ever got from my dad as the attention from him was 5min x twice a year. He would go back to his cigerettes and tv and so would I.
I only remember him losing his temper with him once when i was about 6, when I took something that I should not even though I really did not realise it was wrong. He caned me :(
The next time the was really mad with me was when I got much older, this time, I could sense that he was totally disappointed with me and we never really talked about the situation ever again. Because by the time I realised how we ended up in that situation, dad was gone. I never got that "I forgive you" from him.
For a long time, I could not understand how could he get so mad with me for so long and not think of How I feel! It seems so unfair.
Then I realised that he did not have the best parents to show him how to be the best father hence he was still learning and it did not help that I did not tell him how hurtful his look of disappointment was, how much it meant to me to receive that acceptance from him.
The hurt that I felt as painful as well as puzzling.
Today, as I look around amongst my peers, I see some of us having issues with our parents which we could not get past. If so, isn't the best way to get over it by talking to them direct? At least we can say that we have tried to clear the cloud of doubt and chose to be "re-born" again in the relationship with our parents. Don't wait till its too late.
Labels: family
