Lessons learnt from conversations with elderly folks

I used to have alot of perceptions about the elderly folks. They seems very set in their ways and full of criticism for the world. For the many that I've met, nothing seems to please them. Their world just seems dark, gloomy, unhappy, sad.... They are full of fears, afraid of letting the tap run while they are out. Afraid of the gas being turned on. Afraid of robbers on the street. Afraid of falling down. Afraid that one day their kids will disown them and throw them out of the house. Afraid of how they will die. They have just sooo much fears!

As time goes by, I noticed that these elderly folks do not have other more exciting things or events to focus their energy on. Not like us, younger generations with a bright future ahead of us. We've got lots of to dos, lots of plans, lots of places to go visit etc. For them, energy is short-lived. If they get a good night's rest, they get alot of energy in the morning to perhaps go marketing, chat up with a friend or even take a walk. If they dun sleep well, the whole day is fuzzy and there's very high inertia to overcome in order to do anything for the rest of the day.

Now, isnt that kind of life pretty depressing?

THEN, they have tonnes of their friends around their age with horrifying stories of how they get "kicked out of the house" after they helped raised their grandchildren. Or how a fall became fatal. Or how two unrelated persons came together and caused each other "bad luck". Stories fly, more exciting details are added with each version and it becomes real life horror stories that accompanied them to bed each night.

How to get a good night's rest with such frightening images running in their minds?

Lessons learnt:

1. Always be financial independent from any other sources. Remove potential threats of dependence on others.

2. Surround yourself with positive friends/family. Nothing is more damaging to our minds than negative thoughts.

3. Be healthy, exercise and keep exercising to keep joints & limbs alive. Losing one's mobility = losing freedom = alot of sadness

4. Even if mobility is limited, one can get a motorized "tractor-like vehicle", very cool on the roads!

5. Travel often, the more worldly you are, the less likely you are going to think badly of yourself. Even a simple trip to bintan or JB is enough to distract the mind and infuse it with some positivity.

6. Take things easy, by 60yrs old, you would have seen alot of shit already. So dun let any event that occurs shake your nerves too much. Relax lah.

7. Plan ahead with your assets, learn how to manage them when you are younger so that you can lead a care free life later.

8. Laugh everyday. Be it a light breeze on your face. Be it a clear blue sky. Be it a pretty butterfly. Be it an adorable face. Be it a cute advertisement. Laughter will chase away alot of blues.

9. Go out to someplace new every week (if you cannot tahan going out everyday). There will always be something new and interesting on the streets. Be it a new poster, a new gadget, a new store. There are so many creative, inventive people out there, if we do not get out of our house, it'll be tough to explore the world! (Dun forget there's always retail therapy!)

10. Think about how you want your funeral to be. What to do with your body/ashes. Let your family/close friends know of your preference and it will be easier for them too. No need for surprises for them. No need for them to argue over colors or flowers etc. Because you would have planned everything ahead. Do not be afraid to think about your death. It will happen, whether you like it or not. Its better to plan ahead than to leave things as a mystery.

Okay, now someone remind me of this piece of information when I'm 60yrs old. Because I get the feeling that I wont remember a word that I wrote here! hahahahaha :P

Thinking Out Loud

Would you prefer to look towards the positive aspect of things or towards the darker shades?

I grow up with alot of dark shades whenever there are doubts, naturally the worse-case scenarios flashes across the mind.

The good thing with such a mentality is.... I'm always prepared for the worse-case scenarios, making extra efforts to avoid them.

The flip side of it? When things turn out well, I cant derive much joy or happiness because the mind has been flooded by too many what-ifs.

In growing up, meeting a large diversity of people with varied outlooks and personalities, I've seen how a positive mind, a positive heart and a positive soul does to others around them. They are practically infectious beings filling the air with laughter, with an ability to take things in their stride. Spreading a message that "everything's going to be ok" or "nobody's going to die from this". Not that they over-simplify things and live in denial, but they make it a choice to stay positive ahead of adversities. Which at times, this positive attitude can be life-saving.

Today, I received a call from M, telling me of her horror experience of weakened joints, deteriorated muscles that kinda gave way when she went out. Over the years, I tried explaining to her that she needs to get out of the house more often, take walks, strengthen those fatty legs of hers. But all went to deaf ears. Now she experienced this weakened state of health, she's demanding for attention, medical relief, afraid of what it means in the long term but never once suspecting that this experience is inevitable with her lifestyle of slacking at home.

There are excuses of "old people are like that", "rhumethesium", "i'm tired", "i'm giddy" etc etc.

Is it really true that aged people experience so much aches and pains NOT a result of their own inability to keep themselves in good shape but simply because they are old?

I've seen a couple of elderly folks who are perfectly happy and healthy, living everyday to the fullest, not having a care for their age.

So could it be the majority of the old folks who have endless complains about their health, their bodies etc simply not wanting to take responsibilities for themselves?

hmm..... what would I be like when I'm 70?

Beware of Bank Financial Planners! Esp. for your older folks @ home!

Did you see today's headlines on the Straits Times papers?

It showed a picture of an elderly lady drying her tears with her hanky. She has just lost her retirement savings because of the economic downturn. But MORE so because she mis-trusted a Bank Financial Planner @ DBS. She had wanted a Fixed Deposite account but ended up with an investment deal instead. How does that happen?

Elderly folks are the easiest targets for these Financial Planners. Elderly folks will have SOME savings, they are usually not english-literate, they listen to some big numbers and get excited by it. They do not know how to ask questions about service fees, admin charges etc because they assume that everything would be told to them. They will trust the lady behind the counter because DBS feels like its government related, sure can trust. They cant really tell the difference between FD & investment products because the FP will usually emphasized that they are BASICALLY the same because you put $ in there, they take care of it for you.... at this explanation, anyone would also think that FD & investment are the same!

That's how many elderly folks get "conned" into joining these investment funds instead of sticking to their fixed deposits.

Why I am so aware? Because, this was exactly what happened to my mum!

I was with her at the bank, i walked away to look at some brochures before sitting down next to her at the counter, 5mins I think was all that FP took to convince my mum that her FD has a lousy rate, she's better off investing that away. Upon hearing the better (non-guaranteed - this they dun say, they just tell you the forecasted interest rates at 8% or 10%) returns, my mum's mouth was drooling already.

I was shocked that it was so easy to convince my mum, (she did claim that she's a very alert person.... but I think cannot take pressure still lah). I asked a few questions like service charges? Admin charges? Is the principal sum guaranteed etc and the lady fumbled.

Thankfully, my mum saw the true picture and did not get persuaded into. All because there was someone else who helped to be the bystander to read the information which are all printed in english in fine prints and ask more questions.

I am not saying that I'm very hero save my mum some heartache today, rather, I would like to warn everyone out there, please be on the alert when your old folks go to the bank, let them know that they can bring home the investment plans to share with you, let the family help to decide if it was a good deal to take part in or not. If they are afraid to let their own children know how much life long savings they have .... they should really go find a good friend who is educated in english, a neutral person and accompany them to the bank.

Let your old folks at home know the tactics that the bank FP uses to get people to invest their hard earned money with them. So that they can be more alert, if need be, remind them like mad, even if you are called long-winded, its worth it, just look at the old couple on the front page of today's ST.