13th June, a Tuesday was about the most frightful day I had while in GZ. The anticipation of what I needed to do on this day is tremendous. This is the day when we (me, 2nd bro & Uncle Sunny) finally get to see Dad. Not so much flesh and blood but at least his body. This day the completed embalming will be subjected to an inspection by the Airport's Custom Officer (ACO). After his inspection, he has kindly grant us a few minutes to do some Buddhist chanting for Dad and the ACO will witness the sealing of the coffin. In another words, we have only a very short window of opportunity to see Dad and to let him know that we're here with him. A chance for me to see Dad for the last time..... the last time which I've been waiting for since the plane ride, the bus ride and the crazy blurry days in GZ....
We have an important mission today, in addition to witness the whole procedure, we also chose to dress him in a suit and we want to place his glasses and dentures together with him to "complete" the journey home. Somehow, I dun recall ever seeing Dad without his dentures, perhaps when he was in hospital previously. Being able to see is very important to Dad, ever since his vision has deteriorated due to his diabetes, he's been in semi-depression, each time when we ask him to watch a soccer match, he'll shake his head to say that he cannot really see very well. He also tries very hard to read his daily dose of newspapers. Wish they made it in elderly-friendly printed.... Hence, we felt that these two items are essentials to Dad.
The ceromony was to start at 330pm, we plan to leave the hotel at 2pm and arrive at 230pm to ensure that we have sufficient time to tie down all loose ends if any. The morning was "free" in a sense.
I could hardly sleep in the night, although I knew that I needed the rest, I could hardly fall asleep. I think it must have been 2+am when my eyes and mind finally call it quits and I went into the La-La-Land. Like all other mornings, I wake up as early as a bird wanting to catch the morning worm. My mind and eyes would automatically *blink* open at 530+am. Yes, this morning was no exception. Thoughts of how this day would be raced through my mind.
The most scary bit about today is: having to "meet" unknown spiritual "stuff". The funeral parlour venue was painted to be a place FULL of wandering souls all eager to "over-take" the mind of anyone "weak". This terrible fear was instilled by my eldest brother... for days he was "warning" us of the "possibilities". EEKS! I'm SCARED!
So my last resort was to turn to my many many Singapore-kakis whom I know will be "kinda" awake in the early mornings. Hee... I just blasted their sms inbox with my request for strength & protection from all evil. Although I felt weak in the early morning, by afternoon, I never felt calmer nor stronger in my life. Prayers were said, hymns were sung and I felt God's pressence in my heart, knowing that He will protect me.
The weight of responsibilities from having such a big family suddenly felt very heavy on our shoulders. I could not stop tearing for the whole morning until it was time for us to get some breakfast... I guess food is a good motivational force to distract the mind. To get even MORE distracted, we decided to roam the streets for some retail therapy, both me and 2nd bro were in no mood to shop but we had to do something in the morning or else the anxiety of the afternoon events will drive us both MAD!
We jumped into a cab at 9am and it took us to Beijing Street in GZ, instead of stopping us by the main street, the cab stopped by a side lane. We strolled down this side lane, it's dazzled with mid-high fashion clothing shops at very reasonable prices. We cannot wait to start checking them out! But breakfast comes FIRST!
We tried out the freshly made Zhu Chang Fen in one shop and being super no appetite, both of us shared one plate of it and I cannot even finish my drink. I think my stomach was already full with anxiety....
We had 2 hours to burn before heading back to the hotel to meet uncle for short lunch.... We strolled down the side lane off Beijing St and wa-la, my bro found the ideal shop to purchase his new wardrobe of undergarments..... After 20mins of choosing and hackering, he's a happy man with almost 2dozens new underwear.... we walked further and I spotted a shop that has some nice blouses and clothes set which will brighten my mum's day, (she's been complaining about the lack of opportunity to shop on this trip.... u know, women.... *sigh*), 20mins later, I spent 300RMB (=S$60), bought 3 sets of clothes for mum and 3 tops, 1 bottom for myself. I cannot believe it myself. Its CHEAP! Yes, I'm begining to feel better already... except that, I came to GZ with my backpack which is about max max 30L, how am I going to stuff all this "goodies" into it? I had to look for new storage solutions.... heh.... I found something which delights me greatly! For 120RMB (=S$24) I bought a 45L backpack with a trolley system, its kinda cool, so without hesitation, we loaded our shopping into it and quickly headed towards a shop which bro was eyeing some office pants at ridiculous prices....
Guess what? Peanuts just launched a collector's series of STAMPS in China! I enquired about postal offices where I can purchase them, thinking that if its nearby I'll go..... with God's blessings (and perhaps some from daddy...) the postal office was just opposite to where we were!!!! It felt like I hit Jackpot with the snoopy stamps! Super delighted!
Off we went to hunt for bro's pants and he was also delighted to find them at very affordable prices of 60RMB (=S$12) per pair of pants! An addition of 15RMB (=S$3) for tailoring the length of the pants to some fancy pattern that he liked it, else it'll just cost him an addition of 5RMB. However, he'll have to come round to collect the pants later in the evening as he bought like 4 or 6 pairs of pants?? cannot recall, anyway, its alot!
It was 12pm. We both ended our morning excursion early to return to the hotel to see if we've got everything needed ready. Bro went down to the bakery to get some sandwiches and some fruity drinks while I do the last check on my list of items to bring:
1. Dad's glasses & case
2. Dad's dentures (which took me 2 nights to clean of his vomit etc...)
3. Dad's favourite umbrella
4. A new pair of leather shoes for Daddy with a new pair of socks
5. 2 hankies
5. A pen
6. Dad's watch
7. 5kg of tea leaves (for absorbing the odour of the embalming chemicals during the plane ride)
Light music was played from bro's laptop to set in the mood for the rest of the day. Yes, the anxiety seems to have returned as the buddhism music is being played.... I decided to shove my iPod in my pouch and listen to my own range of christian music in the car and while waiting instead of just doing the usual of chit-chatting in the car.
Somehow, when we met up with Uncle Sunny & hometown relative, the mood was very very solemn. No one was in any mood for small talk. We were all quietly preparing for the afternoon in our own way. Lucky for me, I've got my iPod of christian connections. It was a bright and sunny afternoon that day. We arrive at the GZ funeral parlour one full hour early as planned. All we have to do is to wait for the ACO to arrive and we can proceed with inspection, dressing, chanting and finally sealing. It was 230pm.
The Monk who has kindly accepted our invitation to do the chanting for us has also arrived. Our GZ travel agent relative went to pick him up at 130pm. Everyone was on time if not earlier, everyone wanted to ensure that everything works like clock-work, no one wants to delay the transport of Dad by even a single min.
GZ Funeral Parlour was not as dark and dodgy as big brother painted it to be. Instead, I found it bright, sunny and airy. There were lots of open spaces around a circular building and the atmosphere was definitely not as scary as that in my mind. A single-storey circular building contains about 15-20 holding rooms where simple chanting or prayer cermonies were held for the deceased before they move out to be cremated (I think there are no burials in China due to land shortage if I'm not wrong... see how lucky we are in Singapore? we still have a choice!). We were advised to book one of these rooms for our need to have the ACO's inspection, chanting and sealing. For the chanting purpose, we had to book an additional "time-slot" for the room which was 380RMB (=S$64). Nope its not terribly expensive, but if you add up all these fringing costs, it still amounts some pretty scary figures....
When we arrive, the monk took out a yellow piece of paper folded in a few folds which opens up to something like a A3 size. He needed us to write down Dad's particulars and even his home address in chinese!! WAH very challenging leh! Lucky for us, Uncle Sunny was around to rescue us. We never knew how to pronounce our street name in chinese lor let alone find the correct chinese word to represent it.... We thought that we had little time to get all these written down as the ACO will arrive anytime! Because the coordinator for this segment (which belongs to another company that does transportation services), has already sat at the ACO's office to wait for him at 2pm. So assuming that the ACO was ready to leave then, it will take them about 30mins to arrive, in short, we could very likely start the whole process EARLY!
We sat down to wait. As we waited, the clouds seems to be flying by very quickly in the skies, yes, the wind is picking up. It got super windy, skies started turning dark dark grey. Before we knew it, it started raining, then pouring, then thunder and lightning came along as well. The lightning felt extremely close to us, luckily we were under quite abit of shelter. Although the rain could not reach us easily, but the wind brings bits of it in at times. The atmosphere changed so suddenly, from the bright cheery sunny weather to the dark, grey thunderous weather, almost felt like there were some angry messages to be said to some of us. Once, there was an extremely loud thunder followed by an extremely close lightning. Our hometown relative who sat next to me jumped out of his skins hee.... yet, both me and bro sat calmly next to him. I guess this was the time when the old chinese saying works: If my conscience is clear, i'm not afraid of the thunder and lightning. I think in the old days, people tend to associate the thunder and lightning with "gods" or authority. When the thunder "god" or the lightning "god" is upset by some unethical or immoral actions of a person, they might send their thunder down to deafen you or strike you with its lightning. I suppose this concept plays alot on the guilt that one feels if they have done something which they knew they should not.
Our travel agent relative called the coordinator to check his status, he was STILL waiting at the ACO's office at 330pm!!! Wah, it takes them about 30-40mins to reach the funeral parlour from the airport and they are still NOT moving off yet??? Siao liao. Sounds like its going to be a looonnnngggg wait. We also found out that the ACO assigned for this case was changed at the last minute, hence they have to find a replacement at the last last last last min. Our biggest worry is, would any ACO want to set off to attend to us at such late notice?? We understand that they knock off at 430pm. Even if they left the airport at 335pm, arrive at the funeral parlour at 4pm, we still need about 20-30mins to get everything done before they can go back to the airport to handover their paperwork?? So how?? *worried*
Uncle Sunny assured us that once we're at this stage, its not so easy for them to tell us "sorry, there will be delays" as we have already booked the cargo space for the coffin to be flown back to Singapore (along with 3 air tickets!!!) He said "die die they must send someone over to inspect and seal". So hanging onto this hope, we continued to wait....4pm, they are still at the airport, waiting for the officer.....
420pm, another call to the coordinator yielded the same response *bleah*
The funeral parlour workers were getting restless, they are also waiting to knock off from work. Previously, we witness them unloading the wooden crate, metal sheet and coffin that will be used for Dad. The coffin after sealing with special screws will be placed inside the wooden crate lined with metal sheet. The sides of the metal sheets were bent and folded inwards to create a mini-stand for the top sheet to rest on as cover. Welding is done all around the metal sheet cover and the base to really SEAL the coffin in. Then nails are hammered into the wooden crate's cover to seal it for the 3rd round. My heart ached to see these boxes, crates, metal sheets being prepared as I try to picture how uncomfortable and scary it'll be inside them.
430pm, a call from the coordinator to give us a go-ahead with the dressing and chanting first before they arrive to do the final sealing!
Without a second of delay, we all rush into the room to finally see Dad for the first time in GZ. (we were not allowed in the room in the absence of the ACO, in case we temper with him to smuggle drugs etc)
Dad looked as if he was sleeping. He always sleeps lying face up, I always wonder how he can sleep comfortably in that position. This time, he was going to rest forever in this position. 真的不舍得 Felt a strong tinge of sadness to see him like that. No more warm body to hug, no more grins, no more eager look at ice cream, no more laughter at my teasing. I miss my daddy!
Dad seems to look alot darker than he used to, even his arms and hands seemed darker, his feet were still pearly white as before. Dad takes great care at keep his feet clean, dry and free from cuts as he knew that he might have to amputate it if there was any serious injuries due to his 20years of diabetes. The funeral parlour workers were very fast in dressing him up in the new set of suit which we bought for him, it's complete with shoes and a cab even. Some of the preservative trickle out of the sides of his mouth as they lift him up a few times to get him suited up. Oops, his collar was dirtied by the dark brown coloured liquid. Dad prefers a neat and clean appearance whenever he dresses up, he would not like this brown collar, I guess we'll have to change him when we get back to Singapore.
Once he was all dressed up, we put in the goodies we brought for him and the monk quickly started his chanting session. As we were not sure when the ACO will arrive, the sooner we start, the more time we have for Dad's chanting, its quite a good bargain from the original plan of about 15-20mins. As the chanting goes on by the monk, I spoke to Dad in my mind, as I spoke, I saw more of the real Dad that he was to me, eventually, I noticed something interesting, standing directly infront of him, I saw Dad's smile. Yes, he has a smile which he just slightly lift the sides of his lips, one which I often catch him in when something tickles him. It was a heartwarming moment. I knew I did the right thing by staying behind. This private moments were priceless and possibly the last ones before I will never get to see him again.
The color on his face and hands started to turn lighter as the chanting goes by, at the end of the 30-40mins session, Dad's face looked almost natural. Two possibilities, the spiritual side would say that the dark "aura" surrounding Dad was because he was like a lost soul without any directions, after the chanting, he had better idea of what's happening. The 2nd explanation is more scientific, Dad was kept in a plastic bag in the parlour for the few days, it could be a chemical reaction on his skin and preservatives in air-tight environment which turns the skin color dark when oxygen is insufficient. Any expert opinions??
We were given a few last min to say goodbye to Dad before the coffin is sealed. We were reminded numerous times to say the following:
Dad, we are going home now.
Going back to Singapore.
Friends around, please kindly allow my Dad to leave alone.
Dad, do not be scared, follow us.
We repeatedly said these few sentences to Dad and we had to say them quite loudly as Dad is hard of hearing these days. Uncle Sunny also added an additional sentence, he told Dad;
Brother, do not leave anything behind here.
We all go back to Singapore.
Our home.
I din quite understand what he meant, later he explained that the heavy rain earlier on kinda gave him a feeling that Dad doesn't want to return home. So he said those words to remind Dad where home is. I'm not sure how far true this sentence was, but I was reluctant to see them put the covers over Dad. It must be really scary and dark in there. They had to hammer 6 screws all over the coffin to about 1inch deep before they can turn the screws tight. When the coffin was closed, they carried it into the wooden crate lined with metal sheet for the next 2layers of sealing. Yes, the ACO has arrived and was witnessing the procedure. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a group of about 6men came into the room and started using different tools to "attack" the metal sheet, two guys had to fold the sides down while another 4 guys went around the edges to seal the metal sheet with a welding tool. When all 4 sides were folded neatly, they place the cover sheet over the coffin and started sealing all the edges. Yellow fumes emited from their welding and Uncle Sunny reminded us not to stand too close to the sulphur gas. Yikes POISON!
Poison vs last inspection, we figured the latter was more important, so we would squeeze into whatever spaces we could to ensure a clear witnessing of the whole event. When the welding was completed, they placed a wooden cover over the crate and nailed it tight. From the outside, it looked just like any other normal frieght box, who would have thought that it would contain someone so precious to so many of us?
We made payments to the transport coordinator who apologized profusely for being delayed by the ACO (which was not really his fault), instead, we also thank him profusely for getting this sorted out, meeting the agreed timelines. He was quite generous in giving us a 1000RMB (=S$200) discount. He also offered many kind words of condolences which makes me feel that he's not such a bad guy afterall. He was doing his job, a job which many would stay away from, yet he does it with some compassion (if he had alot of compassion, he might have given us a bigger discount! ha ha ha)
When Dad's body was finally towed away, we all felt as if a heavy weighted stone was lifted out of our shoulders and chest. Everyone of us can smile again. The sense of relief is tremendous, we have completed a tough mission, clueless initially but completed eventually.
The most frightful day in GZ has ended. I longed to return home, its just barely 24hrs away and I could hardly wait. Yes, I was happier at the end of this long emotional day.
family jen travel
