"Throw the guilt away"

For a long long time, I've wanted to hear him say "kid, I'm proud of you" or a smile that says, "I love you".

But that never took place.

I feel guilty for not doing so many things that perhaps if I did, it would change the "fate" that my dad would still be with us today. I took these feelings of guilt with me everyday, everywhere I went. There was no food or anything that would even mildly excite a molecule in my body.

I spoke to one of my good friends and she told me crudely:" You've got to throw the guilt away!"

She shared that I cannot allow myself to even entertain such thoughts. Its like loading myself with more and more dumbells with each guilty thought and that would prohibit me from leading a fuller life ahead.

Sometimes, we just need someone to blatantly tell us what we need to hear.

It did make me realise that carrying all those guilt was unnecessary....

I've been wanting to close the chapter on dad's passing on our blog, but I could not bring myself to do it. Yet.

family jen