Staying up to keep Anxieties at Bay

I've been told to sleep early.....

Because in a few hours time, I'll be checking into a 5* hospital to do my 5th surgery in 9years.

the last op i had was 5yrs ago, when i was diagnosed with endometriosis AGAIN!
(a condition where the menstral blood back flows from the uterus (womb) to the ovary and forms a bloody cyst there)
I was really tired that year, because dad was hospitalized for heart attack two months before that. Mum was hospitalized for fatigue as a result of taking care of my dad at home (ha ha ha). Then in the 3rd month ME!

So I googled the word endometriosis and found that there's quite a few support groups for this condition. No, I'm not alone in experiencing immense mentral pain during my periods, terrible backaches amist the emotional yo-yo that many others take for granted that I'm moody (back in my teenage years). I've probably got this condition for years and years and yet, parents/aunties/friends always tell us that its normal to experience pain during menstration.

No, it is NOT normal to experience EXTREME pain.

You know, women developed high threshold of pain because of menstration and yet, this threshold can sometimes kill them.

It almost killed me... 9 yrs ago....

I had menstral pain so so so so terrible that I knew I could not sleep it off, I told my mum about it and she rushed me to the hospital (TTSH). There they diagnosed the condition as appendicitis and operated on me only to find out that it wasnt really the case. Read the rest of the history here.

Y did it kill me?

I was a young woman, full of aspirations for my life ahead. My secret dream was to wed at 23 and have kids at 25. (we'll try to fit in the other parts like finding someone special, finishing school, finding job etc somehow....). With that irresponsible act of the surgeon, my dreams were completely shattered. My chances were reduced by 50%....

And those who know me can testify how much I love children. I almost died knowing that one of my ovary is gone for good. I din even have the chance to say good bye :(

Thereafter, in the same year, I've been operated on 2 more times.

When I knew about the condition 5yrs ago, I asked myself if there was anything to fear about the operation and the answer in my head was NO. So when I readily told my gynea that I'll do the op again for the 4th time in 2001, I really thought that it was no big deal.

How wrong I was.......

The coldness of the operating theatre was fought off by piling 4 layers of blanket on myself. But the desire to sleep forever from the operation was hardest to struggle through. I recall pulling away from waking up. Maybe it was because my body knew that the recovery process was going to be really really really painful........

oh yes, painful.......

imagine a hard file across your abdomen, walk with it, sleep with it. you are practically immobilized.

yep, you can bet that i kinda scolded myself for undermining the PAIN from the surgery.

So well, now that I've to face it for the 5th time. What do I do??

There are quite a lot of pitfalls leh....

My counter-action. Dun think about it.

Not at all.

Just Do It.

Why do you think i'm still up at 5am.

My strategy is to starve my body of so much sleep that I'll just knock out anyway on the bed tomorrow ha ha ha.... go into it with a zombie state of mind, it'll numb all anxieties and sense for fear and pain!

And of course, I'll be bringing Psalm 91 with me....

(now gotta memorise it...)

health jen