Madness In Singapore

I really thought that the worst was over while I was in GZ, but I was so dead WRONG!

At least in GZ, we are total strangers to the place, we can quietly slip into the background of the millions of folks in the city. Here in Singapore, we cannot so easily slip into secret refuge without first attending to the many needs of those around us and needs of a funeral.

Thousands of things needs to be attended to. First things first, what time to recieve our dad at the Singapore Casket? After scouting around numerous options (thanks to Ad's leg work & phone work), we all decided to go with Singapore's biggest casket services who's experienced in handling air cargo, different types of funeral rites (got menu to chose from, christian, catholic, buddhism, taoist etc).

Finding the Singapore Casket wasnt really the biggest challenge, the biggest challenge we have was to locate a monk or a group of them to perform chanting sessions for Dad as collectively as a family, it was decided on a buddhism ceromony for Dad. There were a few MUST-HAVES sessions which were theoretically more significant than the others ....

1. Wednesday night, the first night that Dad arrives in Singapore, he'll be meeting the rest of the extended family for the first time, plus after such a long travel, a monk should chant some prayers for Dad's soul to be at peace with coming home....

2. Thursday night, the 7th night since Dad's passing. In the chinese belief, this night is of utmost importance. It is strongly believe that Dad's soul/spirit will return home to visit the family and his loved ones. And I think there were other significant meaning to this day which I fail to comprehand, in my memory, the first 7th night since his passing meant that he'll be coming home....

3. Sat night, the night before the cremation. The last major rites to be perform for his soul to be at peace with the departure from his body. This one is major as it was also the last night we get to see Dad's physical body.

4. Sunday morning, the rites before sending Dad off in his final journey in his physical body. Not only would it be important for the monk/monks to perform this ceromony, it was also an important moment for the family. Feels like the monk will help to organise the emotionally draining moment into one of quiet and peace.

Then there were other "time-slots" which were deamed as nice to fit in some chanting sessions, eg. thursday afternoon when Dad's body return from Singapore Casket to the wake area, Friday night when it was less major....

Numerous calls were made, tonnes of discussions flown, alot of it was done by 2nd bro when we were still in GZ as Ad lack the experience and exposure to understand the requirements of a buddhism rite. Hence 2nd bro did the vetting of the monks who will be performing the rites. 2nd bro had the misconception that these rites are more of a charitable effort to help ease the pain of the loved ones. He was in disbelief when $$2k was suggested for these sessions by eldest bro, he felt that it should be almost free or a token sum of appreciation not in thousands.... It was only crystal clear to 2nd bro that yes, monks DO charge in thousands for performing funeral rites when he made the calls himself. He rationalised it as a form of income for the monks to sustain the temple and its maintenance. Oh well, which organisation does not require active input of income to maintain itself? Is it rightful to put a number on funeral services? Or should it belong to doing of goodwill? If we truly believe in God, that God Himself will take care of us, then to me, there wont be a price tag to these service, as God Will Provide.

After settling the monks, we have to decide on everything else, from obituary contents, namelist to food catering to timing for things to happen to rules about keeping the big incense on the urn burning to making sure that there's proper accounting for expenditures to what to wear, where to get them, what are the sizes to who to stay with Mum during the day and the night to who to keep veil at night by Dad's side to folding 10cents coins into tiny red packs to getting the logistics ready for each day's rites to ensuring snacks and drinks by the tables to area cleaning .... the list is somehow endless.....

Then, Ad and I decided to subscribe to the World Cup channel and play it out for Dad's viewing at night hee.... we could make use of the projector we have and all we need is to find a screen and speakers.... which Ad did (many thanks to Pavi, I & J for securing these items). WaLa, we have a mega entertainment system. We also decided to showcase some of our family photos to the rest of the family and friends who came for the wake to let them see our transition as a family and Dad in his final days in GZ. It was an easy task putting the photos together with iPhoto, it was tougher to find the photos physically hee... It was only when friends came to visit and revealed how tech crazy we are that we realised that we are indeed quite tech savvy. This was the first funeral service that has an entertainment system built in..... ha ha ha....

Thankfully, I could rest at my own home on wednesday night as bro will stay with mum. I was a total knockout at home. I miss my bed so much. The bed in GZ hotel was comfortable but the pillows gave me neck aches. The next day had a long list of to-dos, get breakfast for the folks at home, get newspapers with Dad's obituary, get sufficient medical oil in case someone faints/gets very aggitated, get fruits to eat, Ad had to go by the Casket to drop off some paperworks, we had to go to find the cremetorium (either Bright Hill Dr S$400 or Mandai $100) and find out what does it involve.

Being just back from one big round of saga in GZ, jumping into another round of madness in Singapore, my body, my mind was feeling the fatique, I was easily aggitated and highly emotional. It took us one whole day with many hours on the road to find out that..... it was TWO separate items between the tablet (which holds Dad's name) and the urn (which holds Dad's ashes).

At Bright Hill Dr, a buddhist set up, the cost of placing the urn there was included as part of the cost for cremation. However, if we wish to put the tablet there as well, there's an additional cost of S$250 up till the 49th day of Dad's passing. Thereafter, Dad can be promoted to a permenant wooden or plastic tablet. As a newly deceased, his tablet is made of paper and he was not allowed to be placed with the other past deceased until after 49th days of his death. When we inquired with Uncle Sunny on this, he shook his head and told us that he did not know the reasons behind this rule but he follows it as it was passed on from the elderly. With an attempt to satisfy our queries, he said it could be orientation time for the newly deceased. Ha ha... well, it does make sense... somehow.

Thankfully, there was available time slots at Bright Hill Dr for Dad's cremation on Sunday. It was centrally located and offers good accessibility for future visits to Dad's tablet and urn. So we quickly made booking and paid for the cremation.

On thinking back, it was strange that the arrangements of the cremation and his tablets and urn stuff was left to me and Ad as it was kinda totally out of our domain knowledge. What did those who insisted on them do? hmm.....

family jen travel