unreal moments II

As I was about to board the plane, I was super nervous about the flight, how to get out of it FAST and IMMEDIATELY. I made a request to be seated as close to the aerobridge as possible and thankfully, in the super late check-in of mine, there was a aisle seat just on the first row. It felt like a start of an adventure but one that was blessed along its tracks.

I was feeling so nervous that I knew I had to line my tracks with comfort zones to pull me through this super new ordeal. I've thought about the day when one of my parents will leave me but never imagined it to be this way, at such a lightning speed, at such a donkey distance away. I took the chance to send out a few sms in the cab to the airport to ensure that I set up proper support network for my mental health's well being. I knew that there were a few early risers in the group who can give me almost immediate support.

Yes, thank God they were up bright and early on a fri morning, and quickly responded to me, gave me the assurance that I'm not on the plane alone but with the prayers and blessings from those close to my heart. With a few of these sms, I hang on to the brink hope of seeing my dad for the last time in Guangzhou, I boarded the plane with the heaviest heart and the emptiest stomach.

I recall waiting at the boarding area till the all the passengers has gone in to receive the last update on my dad. I recall sitting, waiting nervously, looking around me were all the happy families bringing their kids and grannies to HK for a family trip. I can see the excitement written all over their faces, their eagerness to start a long awaited family holiday. They all had puzzled look when they see the sadness in my eyes. They cannot comprehand why would someone look so so so forlorn on a plane towards HK. Its a shopping paradise, its a food paradise, its a place where people look forward and enjoy themselves silly.

There were a few occassions when I had to turn my longing gaze at a complete father-mother-child-happy-family group because tears were welling in my eyes as I had to brutally remind myself that my father may never be able to go on a trip with me anymore. At 31, I still feel that it was too early for me to lose a parent. I felt short-changed as compared to my siblings who had a good 11, 10 & 6yrs MORE than me. I hated the idea that my family now feels incomplete.

And what will happen to mum? If I'm feeling so terrible about the loss of my dad, she must be feeling one million times worse! My mind quickly drifted to imagine myself in her shoes and I had to held back my tears even harder, I could feel her pain of loss. The companionship of someone whom you've spent over 40yrs together is unimaginable. (Even when Ad goes on his overseas posting for a few short days, the sense of emptiness in the house can get pretty unbearable, I cannot imagine a lifetime of that emptiness in the house for my mum).

On and off during the waiting time I had to quickly swip tears off my eyes and it created quite a few amazed stares from those in the boarding area, thankfully they belong to groups of Singaporean families who poses little threat.

Why would there be threats...

Recall the previous post on how good at thief some of our tourist can get? On my way to the boarding area, I noticed some of these travellers who appears to belong to that category of tourist. They walked with their eyes prying all around, understanding their body language and catching part of their conversation on how happy they are here in Singapore with alot of "rewards" put me on my highest guard! Thinking back, if they can station pickpockets along train stations to pry on "high potential" folks with lots of $$, it's not surprising that this network extends to international airport. A pickpocket/con artist will never stop work regardless of where they are.

I was warned that there are more pickpocketors and con artists in the major train stations in china than there are of police and genuine travellers. Afterall, we are talking about a country with the 2nd largest population in the world and only a few major cities prospered while most of the rural areas are lagging behind in wealth, greed becomes a natural instinct for those who come from more humble background. So carrying this mentality of being surrounded by con artists & pickpockets, i was on high alert even while on the plane!

It made it "unsafe" for me to publicly shed my tears of grieve and also declare to the stewardess of my intentions to leave the plane the first instant I can. *bleah*

family jen travel