moments that feels so unreal

Since the wee hours of the 9th of June, my life has been in a blur state. nothing seems to register much in my big empty mind, my world has been turned upside down after a phone call at 1150pm on 8th June.

I picked up the call with some agitation as I was trying to catch a re-run of my cantonese drama on chl55 at 1150pm, a phone call other than from my overseas husband cannot be anything good.

It was a call from Guangzhou, from my sister who was having holiday with her husband, in-laws and her sister-in-laws. Since it was a short getaway, she invited my parents to go along with her. They'll spend 7days travelling in Guangdong Province and then 4 days in HK. This call was called on the last night before they depart for HK.

Sis sounded calm over the phone, asking if I knew the name of a medication for my dad's heart condition. On further questioning, I realised that my dad's condition was more serious than she thought, although I urged her to seek medical help for my dad, she seemed pretty certain that it was under control. Being so far away, I felt totally helpless for the first time. I could not see and respond to his condition directly and I had to translate what I knew instinctively into words, actions, observations which lay person like my sis and her extended family can understand.

My mind replayed back the scene when my dad could still walk himself down 4 storeys to the car when I drove him to the A&E of SGH one late friday night when I thought he had food poisoning. It was until when we arrive in the hospital that he turned pale and the MO was quick enough to detect that it was a heart attack that my dad was suffering from. That was 6yrs ago. Months after that night, I lay sleepless, restless on my bed wondering when would he have his next attack, it seems so scary that it can just happen anywhere, anytime. Gradually, dad recovered fully from his brief escape from death and was able to move about as per normal and life reverted as if it never happened. We had a few happy family trips overseas and we all took his health for granted, that he'll be here tomorrow.

At 12+am on the 9th June morning, sis called again to say that she brought dad to the hospital after talking to me as she noticed that the color in his face has turned pale (thank God!). Dad was conscious when he was brought to the A&E in the hospital and had a sudden cardiac arrest. At 1+am, sis called again to ask if there was anything else to be done for dad has the medical team has carried out over 30mins of manual CPR on dad. I asked relentlessly about the defrilbrator and she was told by the medical staff that dad's health was not suitable to sustain the defrilbrator. Feeling incompetent, I could only consider the emotional turmoil that my sis and her husband is going through at that moment. I had to comfort them, to assure them that they have done all that they could for dad. We just have to let him go.

As soon as I hang up the phone, I took a few deep breaths and called both my brothers to relay the news. I tried to be calm and asked them to be seated. While my eldest brother was mentally prepared, he had asked me not to spell out the details which my second brother seems to be in another time zone, he was calm and had little response to my news.

Finally, after taking care of the "family" side, I could release all the emotional distress I was holding onto. I cried the hardest I ever had in years. I did not even know that I'm capable of that amount of grieve.

In that few short moments, I had the clarity of mind to quickly plan what I had to do next. I had to find out if we had consulate offices in GZ. So I quickly gave a call to Al, woke him in shock, it took him like 5secs to jump out of bed to turn on his computer and stayed online for the next 2hours finding me the contacts and numbers that I'll need while I'm in GZ planning for whatever I might need.

At 2am, my sis called to say that the medical team managed to resuscitate dad after 50mins of manual pumping. Thank God! Dad was still weak, required the respirator to breath. Next thing to do was to call the SOS which was covered under medical insurance that my sis bought for parents for this trip. The SOS team responded to say that they are on standby, once dad was fit to travel, they'll fly him home.

I held onto that tiny window of hope and prayed, prayed and prayed. I wished that I was there rightaway, to tell dad that I love him. To tell him that I'm grateful for all the lessons that I've learnt from him. To tell dad that football, politics and rojak will forever remind me of him. That I enjoyed watching him smile whenever he receives a treat, how he will devour the whole ice cream cone from the plane's dessert menu, how his wit has often spurred me on. I wished that I could give him one last hug, one last kiss, one proper goodbye.

I knew that I had to go and see him. I had to travel a few hundred miles to bring dad home.

From 2am-6am, I received numerous news from sis, updating dad's condition, he was resuscitated on and off about 6-7times through the night. With each time closer to each other, I knew the chances were slim. My sis had requested for all of us to fly into GZ, its unlike her to sound so weak over the sms, I knew she was under tremendous pressure. Ad was away but online, he helped me map out the route from HK International Airport to the GZ hospital and also the hotel that sis was staying in. I had to rethink all my packing strategy. I had to travel light, no check-in luggage, no trolley bags, no bulky items. It'll just be me and a bag, quick to navigate around.

Thank God that Singapore is a small country with great amenities, I knew that I could use NETS to change out whatever amount of RMB that I need and there's usually an ATM machine nearby to cash out whatever I needed. I was told to bring more CASH. I had to carry CASH on my tiny body, so I had to spilt out all my cards, cash and still try to remain compose to avoid being too obvious in a crowd.

My fllight departs at 640am. I wanted to leave home at 5am.... but I was still trying to scan my passport, birthcert at that time, I printed them out quickly, sent a copy to Ad and Al incase they needed it to get me out of some tricky situation (I had to think so fast just in case of anything, anything at all). I had to bring prove that I was the daughter of my dad, so nothing more precious than my birthcert. I knew that I had to carry a copy of my passport with me whenever I travel, for whatever reasons. So while the scanning took place, I quickly stuffed some clothes into my backpack, took some multivitamins with me, ensured that I wont be cold by bringing my most reliable jacket, jumped into the showers, turned off all the lights, shut windows, wore my socks, wore my timberland boots with a pair of black jeans, I ran out of my house at 545am.

yes, I was really testing the limits of the check-in system at the airport, the ticket clearly states that the gate closes at 40mins BEFORE flight depart, I had 15mins to get to the airport before I miss my flight......

I ran out to the main road only to find the road totally deserted..... my heart sank. My mind was starting to go spiral into some unknown zone, I was pleading with God to be merciful, to give me a cab. Dun punish me now for having such a small window of time to get to the airport.....

Then out of the blue, a cab appeared, I quickly flagged it down, told the driver that I had to catch a plane.... a 640am plane. He took a look at his clock and raved his accelerator. He could sense that I was troubled and did not attempt to question my "lateness". I think I took a call during this time to someone and we kinda discussed about dad's situation, the driver was sensitive enough to turn off the radio and he sped even faster. We got to the airport with mins to spare, for a short moment, I thought I had missed bringing my passport, I was on the brink of breakdown. I let out a loud scream of "Oh NO!" but very quickly found the passport that was buried with the numerous pieces of notes in my pouch.

Thank God. I knew I would never forgive myself if I had gotten to the airport on time and not find my passport.

I dunno how my heart could take all these excitement, but I knew that I was living on adrenaline. All I could think of is how to get to GZ asap.

I havent had food for the past two days as I was still stuffed full from the buffet lunch two days before. But this morning, hunger was the last thing on my mind.

family jen travel