Blurred days in GZ

Knowing that I've already lost my dad gave me a new mission. My mum. It was central that she is taken care of and watched round the clock. She has 3 strokes previously and it was no easy feat to get her back to her feet. But I guess after having gone through all that, she was much stronger and positive then I expected. She could tell me that she knows that she has to control her emotions and not let her blood pressure shoot through the roof upon my dad's departure. She gave herself a role to play in the days ahead. That is to assist my 2nd bro with looking after his kid during the day while he and his wife are at work together with the aid of their domestic helper.

It was such a relief that mum quickly latched onto something positive for her to hold onto. Its not easy to find a new source of strength after having spent over 40yrs with a loved one. Being the strong person that she always was, I was glad that she found this strength during this tough time. My job now is to just monitor her emotions, understand what environment, what kind of words etc would trigger a huge jump in her blood pressure. Also, I was carefully monitoring the amount of rest she's getting. Once she is deprive of a good night's rest, the next day tend to be very difficult for her. To get her to sleep well, I tried to drain her energy by striking up conversations with her. The first night passed very swiftly by the time we sorted out the amount of $$ we need to attend to dad's transport back to Singapore, we rely those information to my 2nd brother (who was flying in the next day) and we wanted to have a family meeting together first before deciding which strategy to adopt. So much was to be left till the next day and I sent my sis & bro-in-law to rest at 6pm (since they've stayed up the whole night at the hospital with my dad and the whole day running around the different depts trying to settle his medical bills and embalment procedures etc). Without realising it, we all took a good night's rest till the next morning around 8am!

I was glad to hear my mum's snores through the night as I woke up a few times to check on her and also make the toilet breaks due to the large amount of water I drank to hydrate my body. Morning was a little tense as mum started to discuss dad, how he was like in his youth, what did for her and the family etc. I knew that she needed an outlet, for women, its easy, just let them TALK! I just did the "ah huh, ah, orh, hmm...." it was enough for her.

Morning passed quickly as we ate some breakfast and my eldest brother brought us out to a nearby street in an attempt to purchase some suitable clothes for the occasion. Sis brought mostly clothes in bright colors and red for the holiday and there was no way she can wear them for the remaining of the journey.... So we had a real mission to SHOP! Its strange how we can actually go shopping! at such a time..... I guess its good distraction for everyone as well, trying to meet a real need to be dressed appropriately while indulging in some retail therapy hee...

We only had time to wander into 3 shops before my mum was feeling tired, so we headed back towards the hotel to wait for my brother's arrival. I drew a bath for myself to settle down while waiting for him knowing that the relaxation was going to good for the stiff neck that I got from sleeping on low pillows....

When my bro arrived, my mum broke down uncontrollably. I found it hard to conceive as I always thought that I was the closest to mum... she was emotionless when I arrive or rather dash into the hotel room filled with strangers aka relatives breathless from the run and anxiety to see how she was doing.....*bleah*

She quickly calmed down knowing that it was unhealthy for her to be so emotional about the situation. We quickly filled in the information for my bro and uncle Sunny who came to help (he's my dad's brother who has been doing business in China for a long time, knowing most of our family's extended relatives in China, he was also the one who informed our relatives about the situation, making them dash out of their hometowns 2-3hr drive away into the GZ city to the hospital etc to see what they can do to help). It was such a great blessing to know that we have someone whom we can depend on to help us with this sticky situation. Because, the way things are done in China is so so so so different from Singapore. Things that we cannot comprehend happens here on a daily basis and as part of the livelihood of many of the locals. Hence, it was a great eye-opener for us to be here in GZ as well.

Through the various correspondence, we identified that in order to transport my dad's body back to Singapore (vs cremation and bringing home his ashes), we need 4 pieces of document. We confirmed this information with the local GZ funeral parlour, GZ MFA officers, Singapore Casket and was relieved that all said the same thing. Next thing was to decide HOW to get these papers.

They are:
1. Death certificate from the Hospital
2. Embalming certificate from the undertakers
3. Sealing of the coffin certificate from the custom officers (from the airport customs)
4. Cargo bill which states the purchase of cargo space to transport the body (a string of 10numbers was impt)

These four pieces of documents were essential to transport any-body back to Singapore and these documents were made in mandarin.... which was not the official accepted language in Singapore so we had to find a notary service (first time I heard this term ha ha ha.... and learnt that it meant a legal service which translate official documents officially and it chops on these documents making the translated copies legal as well).

So all these services were from 4 different departments, to process each of them on our own would take a significant amount of time. After much discussion, we decided to hand the "job" over to the GZ funeral parlour, which according to our MFA officers is the largest undertaker service in GZ and was assured that they would complete the "job" without a hitch.

Also, I understood that each hospital has a designated undertaker in the different part of the city. So I guess we were lucky to be assigned to the largest undertaker in GZ which has a good reputation and experience with overseas transfers of the body.

In addition, I must state that we are totally grateful for our relatives who zoomed out from the hometown the instant they heard that we're in "trouble" without even bringing a set of clothing or charger for their mobile phone. It was very heartwarming to know that they respond so strongly to people whom they barely knew, just because we share the same surname.

One lady in particular strike me as someone whom I'll have no quarlms working with in future. She manages a travel agency in GZ and knew many people in the various industries. At 8am when she was informed of our situation, she arrived in the hotel at 4pm with all the crucial information relevant to the situation. She dissected the whole process of transporting my dad's body back to Singapore down to the different departments and some even with names to the "heads" of the departments with all the breakdown of the costs as well. She volunteered to carry out all the paperwork on our behalf at 5-6k RMB cheaper then that offered by the GZ funeral parlour. But she warned us that it may take a longer time for her to personally go and "fill" in the paperwork as compared to those funeral parlours who has constant "dealings" with the relevant departments eg. custom officials at the airport (for the other export cases which they handle), cargo/freight departments to get the permits etc.... Eventually we all agreed that getting my dad out of the country asap was the priority therefore by spending the additional 5-6k RMB was worth it (=S$1-1.2k) besides, we wont know how long the body will be delayed in the personal route, so we might as well pay the additional money to avoid "road-blocks" and them to allow us to return on the earliest possible timing.

They were with us throughout our 6 days stay in GZ, taking us out for dinners, bringing the rest of their families for us to meet, allowing us to know them as personal friends instead of just relatives who share the same surname. They even sent us off to the airport before going back to their lives and carrying on with their work etc...

Such displays of a warm hospitality was rare and hard to find in our cosmopolitan, fast-paced, objective driven society. I'm glad that we found it in our hometown folks, giving us more confidence of being who were are, knowing that there are dependable people out there in this cold harsh cruel society. Its strange how close "family-ties" can so easily dissolve any hostility between two strangers and we can dive straight to getting the serious works done. I wont imagine such great extend of help and friendship from a bunch of strangers if I was travelling in a foreign land. Would you?

family jen travel