Rainy Day has finally arrived

I often stressed the importance of saving up for the rainy day. Unfortunately, due to the miserable allowance that I'm getting, there really isnt much "rainy day savings"....

For the longest time, I've been tolerating all the discomforts, pains, strange feeling of hardness in the abdomen area for the fear of some bad news. Well, that bad news is about to arrive.... the rain has started, not sure when it will end though.

An intestinal specialist has seen me and said that I have some unusual hardness in the abdomen, need to go for CT scan before any further actions can be taken. I've already grown accustomed to the pain and the discomfort, but this time, without much pre-meditation, I'm going to try to get to the root of the problem.

There's so much fear, fear of what's happening? Is it something serious? Something curable? Doc highlighted that since cancer runs in my family, he has instructed to run blood tests for any cancer markers. Would it be something manageable? Will it change my life-style forever? How long will it take for me to be able to roam the streets, shopping, eating, travelling without a care again? What does this mean to our family? There are tonnes of questions that weigh my mind each time I think about it.

I wonder about all those patients who have been diagnosed with cancer etc, how would they feel? What goes through their minds? Is it worth it to go through so much pain and $$ to even try to treat the condition? I guess if i'm 60 and i'm diagnosed with cancer, I'll rather spend the $$ on other things other than medical hee....

Interestingly, my bro called me asking me to run some errands, when I told him that I'm not doing well, he's response was, I'm so sorry to hear about it. Yup, that's it. Nothing else, not a word of is there anything I can do? Need help? On my return trip home, on the bus, I witness two sisters joke and tease each other, I wonder what happened to my own siblings. When was the last time we teased each other? When was the last time we felt that warmth of having a sibling who would stand by our side? Or was it only me? Earlier in the yr, when my bro had abdominal pain, i made sure that he got the best medical care possible, made frequent trips to the hospital to see how he was doing, dropped all my plans when he told me that he was getting discharged. I guess I did all that because I knew the horror of being a patient, feeling weak and helpless, doing my part to be there felt necessary. Often I asked myself how many times did I get a visit from my siblings throughout my history of hospital stay, I think alot less. Perhaps that's how we are all different.

Nonetheless, I feel very blessed with Ad as the ever caring hubby, with endless streams of friends who prays and sends me their regards. So be prepared to brave the rain with me dear friends....