headless chicken

do you ever feel that you are stuck in a situation running round and round like a headless chicken?

For me, it feels like a daily situation when I think of my lab work & PAPERS that I'm suppose to miraculously produce with little or no guidance. Maybe I'm just super terrible in writing proper scientific papers that is remotely close to the lowest standards in the scienctific community. But most of the time, after dissecting what is written in tonnes of other's papers, I can barely see any real "meat" in their report. It is heavily peppered with nicely formed sentences which is truly tough for me. The "right" words cannot seems to float in my mind (most if not ALL the time) and I'm seen as a lesser kind just because I suck at writing.

Most of the time, I cannot even figure out what I want to write!! ha ha ha.... I guess all the "answers", "theories" and "discoveries" feels so obivious to me that I have a difficulty in trying to relate them to someone who may need very thorough explanations. Or worse, thorough explanations written "chimly".

I wish I have someone to give me more directions.
I wish I have more company in doing the same shit things so that we can bitch to each other (or maybe learn from each other's terrible experiences).
I wish that I had been given more gradual training in writing good english rather than having to always feel that my write-ups are junk and have to keep revising and revising and revising them.... if they can even be revised in the first place.
I wish I can put my thoughts into pleasent sounding sentences.
I wish I had stuck on to economics at A's and had a better teacher to guide me to analysis stats, data etc....

With some intensive "practice" on my own, I think I'm getting better, but I the verdict will only be out later in the day, after the expected heavy-duty "discussion" with my boss and a discussion on Evolution with my classmates & lecturer.

let's hope that they are not expecting an exponentially leap from me, to get to where they already ARE instantly. But be gentle and KIND to a headless chicken like me... ha ha ha....

once we can sort out the writing, we can start to work on the analysis of data and then on the sorting out of the thousands of references that I've collected and then on having the "instinct" in the field... and hopefully, we can accomplished all of these in the next few months to come....

more headless chicken stories to come....ha ha ha